Well, I am now going through what I knew would be my biggest fear. Along with all the others on this journey. I have never been one to do much of anything on my own. It seems as though I must have had someone always with me to guide me and help me make all of my decisions. I knew down deep in my heart when I said I was not going by myself on this trip that I would be. I knew God had much work to do on me in this area. I know I need to learn to lean on God to guide me and not everyone else and learn to let Him be stong in my weakness. Well, this time He is all I have, and I know I will find that He is all I need. I have spent most of this day trying hard to hold back the tears and much of the day trying just didn't work. First, Brad and the kids took me to the airport at 5:00 this morning. I had to fight the tears as we started down the road. When they had to leave me I couldn't hold it back. I have never done anything like this in my life. I have led a sweet little sheltered life. Of course I don't know how to do any of this so when I was checking in I failed to get my boarding pass. Brad and the kids left as I was about to go through security. Just when I thought I was on my way and could make it, they told me I didn't have it. So I had to go back and get it. I had to fight the tears back then. Then when I went back to get it the lady wasn't very nice and I started crying there, too. Maybe she didn't notice, I tried my best not to let her see me. Then when I got on the plane I sat there and tried so hard to hold them back but the tears came, I wiped them up quick as I could and went to the bathroom and let it flow. I know people wondered what in the world I was crying about sitting there all by myself. I am now in the airport in Chicago for a seven hour layover. I feel much better now. I am still scared but I have prayed with all my heart God's peace over this and I know He will take perfect care of me and my family while I am gone.
I miss church so much this morning. I know it was an awsome service. You have been in my prayers. Please pray for me to be strong, for God to give me His wisdom, and for Him to guide me as I parent my new children while I am here. It is so hard when you can't really communicate. Please pray that God's love would shine into their lives through me. I don't have a clue what I am doing, but God has called me to this and I just know I have to have faith and follow. I am following blindly! I am crying again, I better go! I love you all and thank you for all your prayers, I don't know what I would do without them!
I love you Brad, Brady and Sarah Grace! With all my heart!