Luke 9:23-24 If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake shall find it.
I really didn't want to share this but the Lord has impressed upon my heart that I must. My whole life I have seemed to always make everything about me. I did not want to do this because this is supposed to be about Natasha and Maxim, but I have to share what God is doing in my life. I have always lived a very selfish life like I know many people would say. I was an only child till I was 10 years old and then I was the youngest and everything was still about me or at least I thought it was. I have lived a life where I always expected people to give to me. In other words I have always been a taker. It has never been in me to be a giver. Then God called me to be one. I didn't have a clue how to be a giver, only a taker. I am the one who has always needed the attention, so how in the world could I give attention to someone else. When my relationship with the Lord grew, I started praying about this in my life. I knew to be a Christ follower, I was to be a giver. I have always wanted to be that kind of person but never had it in me. Since I started praying about this the Lord has put one thing after the other in my path for me to do that didn't seem possible for me to do. First, it was homeschooling. I knew this was something I could never do myself because I didn't have a clue how to give this to my children. I stepped out in faith and did what I God wanted me to do and let God do the rest. Now, God has called me to step out in faith again. For anyone who doubts this adoption, and says I hope they are not making a mistake, I want to say this is no mistake.God has called me and my family to do this. It is the farthest thing that I would ever choose for myself. I have many fears that haunt me everyday. Satan continues to tell me that I can't homeschool and that I can't help care and love these children. As hard as it has been I have set out to prove him wrong. No matter what, in and after this adoption it is not me leading but God. He has much to do in my life and has already done more than you could ever imagine. The Lord's plan is soveriegn and I would never want to miss what God has for me. I prayed this prayer long ago that He would help me to reach out to others instead of letting others reach out to me. I know without a doubt that God has called me to this. He has blessed me beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I praise Him and thank Him for that. I want to say too that everything I have done and will do is God and only God. I could have never made it this far on my own. He is my guide so we will continue to see what all He has in store. I do know that it is exceedingly abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine.
I know this seemed to be all my story but it isn't. This morning after I wrote this I took it to Brad to share with him. After he read it he said," This is my story." I was very shocked to hear this. As different as we are, God is working in us in the same way. Brad is always so strong to me and always seems like he can handle anything. I know God has given him to me to help hold me up and help me when I am weak. I would have never dreamed that he experienced the same thing in his heart as I had experienced. God is just so awesome! Remember Luke 9:23-24. If anyone wants to save his life he must lose it. God's life for us is so much better than we could ever make on our own. The question is, will we follow what we want and have the ordinary, or what God has and experience the extraordinary?